I hate ‘Perfect Family’ advertising

Here’s how it happens in reality.

Younger Kid has to stop mid-sprint because his coat zipper has jammed half-way up.

Older Kid’s too cool for running, so dawdles by the tide line, effecting world-weariness and quietly hoping you’ll be so distracted that you won’t notice him dragging on a surreptitious cigarette.

And that gorgeous creature who simply insisted on carrying the lugworm bucket? She’s actually in the car because those wave-ridged beaches do nothing for her Achilles tendonitis. And she’s gorgeous in somewhat more subtle ways.

Within 20 minutes, Older Kid hates what the wind is doing to his hair, you’re looking at the bird’s-nest from hell and Younger Kid is wishing that, just once, you’d bring him fishing when the wind’s at his back.

And Subtly-Gorgeous is yelling that we need to be making a move because she’s realised Coronation Street starts in 47 minutes.

Having studied her Timex watch.


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