Heaven knows what the reaction would have been had Bill Boustead found his foot in a crocodile’s mouth while fishing in Britain. Assuming for one moment that crocs in Britain were a regular occurrence, that is.
Poor Bill’s thoughts on the matter would have barely had space to breathe by the time every health-and-safety bod, trauma counsellor and animal welfare expert had given vent to his outrage and calls for a nationwide fishing ban.
Thankfully, they see life in more simplistic terms over at Northern Territory News. There’s never any doubt what the hero of their particular treatment of the story will be: the ebullient Mr Boustead himself, whose gung-ho, down-to-earth calm after the event will feel like coming up for air to anyone sick and tired of a culture of ’emoting’, ‘closure’ and ‘journeys’.
“…champion crab wrangler Bill…said having his foot trapped in a two-metre croc’s jaws at Howards Peninsula was, “no big deal”.
“I could have grabbed him, pulled him inside out and turned him into a handbag. There’s not even a decent scar to show my grandkids,’ he said.
“The crocodile did not want to bite me…he was just telling me to p*** off.”
I don’t normally condone public crudity of speech but on behalf of PC-weary Brits everywhere, I will gladly make an exception for the magnificent Mr Boustead.