“I may write fashion but I know damn all about waders”

The words you’ll find running through at least one journo at reproductive rag journal Showing Style, were you to saw her in half. An image I, for one, am happy to savour, after yet another scandalous attempt to link trout and those who hunt them with just about anything bad that you can think of.

This time, it’s with-child Gwen Stefani’s choice of attire that triggers the analogy. After all, when your innards are still weary from morning sickness, your blood pressure’s soaring and you could sleep for America, what else would you rather be doing than working on your image?

“Stefani has always had a unique sense of style, however I don’t think this look is flattering on her. The boots, shirt and jacket are all too bulky on this petite mama. It looks like she is getting ready to go fly fishing with those boots!”

Know this, you dolt; they have to rise to mid-thigh at least before we’re into ‘fishing boot’ territory. And I’m sure I don’t speak purely for me when I suggest that were Miss S to appear by my river asking to share a swim, sartorial considerations would be just about the last thing factored into my response.

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