Taunted by Waters

Sherlock Holmes would be proud. When it comes to winkling out the real criminals in our Society, no-one but no-one does it like the British…

On the one hand: “Foreign criminals could be working air-side at Britain’s airports because of a loophole in vetting requirements“

“Since 2003 all staff who work in the “restricted zone” of terminals have had to undergo UK criminal records checks, but offences committed abroad are not covered. This means that the estimated “thousands” of foreigners who work airside at British airports may not have been fully vetted.”

But on the other hand: “School head faces sack over fishing rod licence

“Mr Yeomans was fly fishing for trout last summer, when a bailiff told him that his licence had expired. He paid a £50 fine immediately but the offence has popped up on an enhanced Criminal Records Bureau check.

And now he is still waiting to hear if he is deemed officially fit to run St John’s Church Of England Primary School in Walsall, West Midlands. [the chair of governors]‘had to visit me and, in effect, he was being asked if I was fit to work with children for forgetting to renew my rod licence.’”

Forget the copy in this Chico Enterprise Record report: just look at the accompanying photo.

If you’re really brave, click  to enlarge it.

There is much concern about fly fishing’s contracting market. Let’s not lose sight of the fact that it isn’t entirely without its advantages.

So there I am, quietly reading an article on the fishing flies of May and I see a reference to a coffin fly. A new one on me, so I Google the term.

I’m not sure it’s the version the author has in mind but I get this little charmer from the website deathonline.net -

“Coffin flies or scuttle flies…are most active at an exposed body after butyric fermentation has begun and when the corpse is starting to dry…They are also capable of completing their entire life cycle beneath the ground, so that several generations can occupy a corpse without coming to the surface.”

Strikes me that for anyone in the business of manufacturing cremation urns, this website represents a sponsorship opportunity to, er, die for.

And if your first thought on clicking the link was “I could tie one of those,” you need professional help…

Fishing beer of the day - hell, the year - is Moose Drool.

So many questions…

How deep into a brain-storming session must marketing people be for this to seem like a great name for a product you put in your mouth?

And the colleagues who nodded sagely and called the guy who came up with it ‘inspired’: they’re just hanging him out to dry on the altar of public opinion because they hate him, right?

And just how DO you get people to wear a Moose Drool hat?

Never have I felt as distant from the American psyche as I do right now.

…not when he can sit through this without screaming for a rod:

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It could be argued that this great piece in Gray’s Sporting Journal reads like a State of the Union address for the over-40s but I have nevertheless just added Ted Leeson to my ‘must read more of’ list.

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I’ve read so much of what he wrote, it’s with a certain awe that I finally get to hear John Gierach, the Greatest Sportswriter of All Time, speak, in this warm, teasing taster of the DVD Why Fly Fishing?

The bearded guy without the hat, he seems less gruff and forbidding than I expected. Cleaner, too.

I’m wondering if this could be their best so far, largely because Iceland is still something of a novelty where fly fishing is concerned. Love those casting grunts in the last segment: they’d lose something in translation, I suspect.

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Not quite sure how fishing squeezes in alongside bull running, sky diving and bungy jumping, in Top 10 Macho Trips for Men but after yesterday’s goings-on at the hands of Pastor Wayne, I’m taking any reflected glory I can get right now.

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Great opportunities for fishermen, courtesy of Craigslist.com:

“Slightly overwieght [sic] In need of a guy that loves camping fishing - w4m

Three reasons I mention Buster Wants to Fish today:

1. I watched A River Runs Through It last weekend and discovered that Buster Wants to Fish is not, after all, a blog name plucked from some random, drunken reverie:

‘Rowhide: Buster here wants to fish.

Norman: You’re late, Neal.

Neal: Yeah, I didn’t get in till late.

Paul: I didn’t get in at all.

Norman: Neal, Paul. Paul, Neal.

Paul: In Montana, we’re never late for church, work, and fishing.’

2. They introduced me to the concept of avocado with your bacon and eggs when I asked them to explain the green substance to the left of plate in this post (I had it down as soggy asparagus. As Mrs Taunted will tell you, cuisine isn’t my strong suit). Avocado for breakfast may be no big deal in America but in the UK, it’s distinctly avant garde. I now have some on standby for the very next occasion the sands of time let me run to something other than toast.

3. Their heroine and the world’s Greatest Holder-Upper has once again graced their pages

This list, you’ll appreciate, is in reverse order of importance.

Not a good spell, of late, for positive fishing imagery. First Rimblr.com gives us the trout as politician (”…we have to admire politicians whose sense of loyalty to the electorate rivals that of a horny trout…”) and then Larry Diehl gives us the fisherman as Beelzebub (”The Devil is a great and skillful angler. His bait has never changed. And - he’s fishing for you!”).

And then there’s someone called Pastor Wayne, using a trout that’s clearly had a really bad experience with an oven, to “…get his point across.” The point being, hopefully, that Pastor Wayne needs to stay out of the kitchen.

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And while I’m on the subject of breaking the spell, here’s Julie, who is (a) a woman and (b) apparently blowing to smithereens the theory that bright colours kill fishing.

Nothing seems sacred anymore. Not even if your name’s Pastor Wayne.

In which smooth jazz and country musicians get to showcase their art, against a backdrop of guys catching fish.

“I tell them about all my best spots, then I mention that the only fly that works there is made from Newt eyelash and Condor hackle.

“…but the nymph is simpler, Panda bear throat hair, blended with Puce baby seal, tail and wingcase from a Whitetail doe, but she has to be taken during the off season. Something about the rut that makes the hair lifeless, I dunno.

“Lie? Anyone can do that - dissemble scores more points.”